I'm not sure how I feel, though I suspect I'm trying to shield myself from what I'm really feeling.
Here's the scoop. My best friend came in to town this weekend. It was great to see her, but lately I've been so tired. So, we hung out on Friday night and then rented movies. Saturday, I sleep in as always because this week was tough. I got a flu shot, finally recovered from a sinus infection and just in general being over-worked. My best friend wants to go out with another one of our best friends. I decline. They go and we all meet up at a halloween movie fest at another friends' house. We do end up looking awesome I must say and it's most fun being Wonder Woman again.
But at the end of the night, we all head home. She had originally stayed with me, but that night she decided to stay at our friends house. I wasn't terribly surprised, just a little baffled as to why I wasn't told earlier. I'd had to ask before being told. She did ask what my plans were from the next. I always decide that on a day to day basis, and I told her so. And it also depended on when I would sleep.
So I wake up on Sunday, and let her know that I'm up and about. She replies that she has a hair appointment at 2 and would I like to do lunch? I had already decided that I'd do lunch at home, since I'm towards the last few days before my next pay check. Also, getting ready and then driving to meet her would eat up all the time that we'd have to do lunch before her hair appointment. So I decline. Again. Perhaps I should've tried harder. At this point, I'm starting to wonder if I'm truly upset. Or not? I can't tell.
At about 3, my mother called to ask if I wanted to practice softball with my dad. I agreed. I text her again and let her know that she still has clothes and such at my house. I would expect she would want to pick it all up, but it has to be done before I go to practice. She responds asking when would be a good time. I let her know vaguely soon, because I don't know when or where my father will want to practice. In the meantime, I begin to clean and organize. At about 5, I leave to go practice with my father. I leave my cellphone at home to charge. I'm reluctant to text or call my friend because she hasn't called or shown up either. I know it's avoidance and immature, but I'm also trying to figure out what I'm feeling. Whether I'm angry and upset, or truly just don't care.
In the end, she never picked up her things. I finally got home at 9 p.m. She had left a voicemail regarding meeting me at practice. Then another one later about having gotten back to her own apartment. She said she was sorry if my feelings were hurt because we didn't see each other at all on Sunday. My reply via text ( I know I'm so mature...I'm processing!) is simply that I don't know how I feel, but next time she should just stay with our friend.
I barely saw her. She is my best friend. I am upset, but I don't know if it's at her or at myself or what. So I must process and determine what it is that I feel. What I am upset about and how to resolve it. Hmm....
