I've been walking in a weird depressive funk lately. My friend left and it's like I lost an arm or something far more valuable.
I've been painting in order to exorcise the feelings I've been having. So far so good - distance has done a lot to alleviate the symptoms, as has time. I am making it a point to distance myself, but sometimes I can't help it.
So this post isn't about that at all though, I'm just laying the framework down.
This is about truth. The truth is, I feel more like my old self every day. The girl who was unbound and free. Now I'm facing my current situation and wondering what I want to do. I love to paint, and write and bake. I want to learn some more - I would love to travel the world and explore the world. As I grow older, I realize just how short-sighted and shallow my knowledge of the world is. I want to see more of it.
I'm bound by my current constraints, my job, my life, my decisions, others' expectations. I want to break free.
Do you ever feel like you've been waiting your entire life for something to happen? And it just hasn't happened? I'm there - and I've realized, I have to make it happen. Can I make it happen? Am I willing to take the risk...?
You know I think I can - the most joy and pride in myself that I've ever felt in my life is when I have brought forth how I felt, when I presented it, laid it out on the table. It was a great risk and generally met with rejection or loss; still, I don't give up. Like hope, I tried to give it up, as well as faith, and I couldn't. To reject faith and hope was to reject a core part of who I am.
I've been hurting, but it feels like the hurting has been healing me and preparing me for my next jumping point. And so I paint, and I draw and I write here.
Oh, and I love True Blood. Its the little things, like HBO that make everything great!
I've been painting in order to exorcise the feelings I've been having. So far so good - distance has done a lot to alleviate the symptoms, as has time. I am making it a point to distance myself, but sometimes I can't help it.
So this post isn't about that at all though, I'm just laying the framework down.
This is about truth. The truth is, I feel more like my old self every day. The girl who was unbound and free. Now I'm facing my current situation and wondering what I want to do. I love to paint, and write and bake. I want to learn some more - I would love to travel the world and explore the world. As I grow older, I realize just how short-sighted and shallow my knowledge of the world is. I want to see more of it.
I'm bound by my current constraints, my job, my life, my decisions, others' expectations. I want to break free.
Do you ever feel like you've been waiting your entire life for something to happen? And it just hasn't happened? I'm there - and I've realized, I have to make it happen. Can I make it happen? Am I willing to take the risk...?
You know I think I can - the most joy and pride in myself that I've ever felt in my life is when I have brought forth how I felt, when I presented it, laid it out on the table. It was a great risk and generally met with rejection or loss; still, I don't give up. Like hope, I tried to give it up, as well as faith, and I couldn't. To reject faith and hope was to reject a core part of who I am.
I've been hurting, but it feels like the hurting has been healing me and preparing me for my next jumping point. And so I paint, and I draw and I write here.
Oh, and I love True Blood. Its the little things, like HBO that make everything great!
