So...Life is a way? a Path? a road?

It's always the means to an end. But is Life ever the destination?
For you all Christians, yes I am saved and I accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
For all you non-Christians, have you figured out if Life is a destination or not? If so, please share. I'm not excluding Christians here, by all means, anyone and everyone share.

I've read the trite e-mail forwards about embracing life now, but what for? So I choose to quit my job and do what I really want! Is that it? Is living over? Will I die now? What if I change my mind? Life is hardly stable - in fact it is chaos. Something I learned in physics class in high school was that chaos was the natural state of the universe, not order. Order is fragile and can be broken. Chaos, well how can you make chaos worse?

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't believe God put us here to live a messed up life. What I'm putting out here is that we don't fully understand the whole concept of chaos. Just like we don't understand the whole concept of good.

So Life is chaos. My life is somewhat chaotic. I stress and put pressure on myself. I feel horrible and ugly oftentimes. Is that the truth? Or am I allowing outside influences to affect me? What does this have to do with life and chaos?

Everything. My life is what I make of it. And I've apparently chosen to make it one where I am tired, overworked, and surrounded by people I can't bring myself to trust. And yet I strive forward. I'm going to meet new people, and face defeat and while I may falter and fall, I will not stay down.

I'm excited. Life is an adventure, and I want it all.

Leaving being Single behind....

Perhaps I've been slow on the uptake, but I just realized that calling myself a Single Christian was a complete paradox. And not the kind that Jesus, God or the Trinity use. The bad kind that suggests hypocrisy.

Wow, already being a little offensive there aren't I?

Let's break it down, quick and dirty. A single person means what exactly?

Various definitions I looked up quickly (thanks Google) defined a single as someone who was unmarried or in a meaningful relationship. But there's obviously more to it than that, why couldn't we just be called unmarrieds? Why single?

Single implies one. Just the one person right? So how does a Single Christian even exist when the bible clearly states that we are not alone. We cannot walk with God and then walk alone. It's one or the other.

Matthew 28:20b "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

This is just one of many references contained in the Bible about how not single any of us are.

I'm not here to make a big, impassioned appeal to you about denying your "single" nature. I'm just here to simply state - reject that label. We are not single. We walk with Lord on High, and He walks with us.

Lay down your mantle of single-ness and take up your cross and walk the walk that Jesus has called us to take.

Chicken Pot Pie

It's yummy!

Anyhoo, I cleared up what happened from my last post. I'm better with my friends, but a relationship is still strained. I don't know what to do, honestly. I'm too tired to provide more of myself.

But enough!
I've got a news! I have a new guy pal Steve who's awesome! He's so much fun! Girlies, he's single, so let me know if you're interested.

I've joined a dating website because I can! And so far nothing. But I persevere because, well because! That's what I do.

Work is demanding and for the first time I felt like I didn't want to be there. But I do love my job, and I enjoy the people I work with.

OMG! I joined a Softball Team! That was so much fun! I stunk it up majorly! But I never gave up and I gave it my all. I mean why sign up if you're never going to try? So I did. And I think I'll join again the next time there's a season.

I'm excited. I want to try Tai Chi, Yoga and Tae Kwan Do! Is it possible? I just want to get fit and be happy and energetic. Since I've gained my weight back I need to take it off again and I like being active.

So I'm excited! :-)

That's a change from last time huh?

Seeking Clarity...

So..I'm confused right now. Or I wish I was.

I'm not sure how I feel, though I suspect I'm trying to shield myself from what I'm really feeling.

Here's the scoop. My best friend came in to town this weekend. It was great to see her, but lately I've been so tired. So, we hung out on Friday night and then rented movies. Saturday, I sleep in as always because this week was tough. I got a flu shot, finally recovered from a sinus infection and just in general being over-worked. My best friend wants to go out with another one of our best friends. I decline. They go and we all meet up at a halloween movie fest at another friends' house. We do end up looking awesome I must say and it's most fun being Wonder Woman again.

But at the end of the night, we all head home. She had originally stayed with me, but that night she decided to stay at our friends house. I wasn't terribly surprised, just a little baffled as to why I wasn't told earlier. I'd had to ask before being told. She did ask what my plans were from the next. I always decide that on a day to day basis, and I told her so. And it also depended on when I would sleep.

So I wake up on Sunday, and let her know that I'm up and about. She replies that she has a hair appointment at 2 and would I like to do lunch? I had already decided that I'd do lunch at home, since I'm towards the last few days before my next pay check. Also, getting ready and then driving to meet her would eat up all the time that we'd have to do lunch before her hair appointment. So I decline. Again. Perhaps I should've tried harder. At this point, I'm starting to wonder if I'm truly upset. Or not? I can't tell.

At about 3, my mother called to ask if I wanted to practice softball with my dad. I agreed. I text her again and let her know that she still has clothes and such at my house. I would expect she would want to pick it all up, but it has to be done before I go to practice. She responds asking when would be a good time. I let her know vaguely soon, because I don't know when or where my father will want to practice. In the meantime, I begin to clean and organize. At about 5, I leave to go practice with my father. I leave my cellphone at home to charge. I'm reluctant to text or call my friend because she hasn't called or shown up either. I know it's avoidance and immature, but I'm also trying to figure out what I'm feeling. Whether I'm angry and upset, or truly just don't care.

In the end, she never picked up her things. I finally got home at 9 p.m. She had left a voicemail regarding meeting me at practice. Then another one later about having gotten back to her own apartment. She said she was sorry if my feelings were hurt because we didn't see each other at all on Sunday. My reply via text ( I know I'm so mature...I'm processing!) is simply that I don't know how I feel, but next time she should just stay with our friend.

I barely saw her. She is my best friend. I am upset, but I don't know if it's at her or at myself or what. So I must process and determine what it is that I feel. What I am upset about and how to resolve it. Hmm....