Nothing to fear but that foot in your face...

Okay, so that's not how the quote goes, but it certainly is how I feel. I recently signed up for a Capoeira class. The first class was wicked hard, but this last one? Well, a lot of dynamics popped up. Mine included.

The teacher is a salesman all the way. More like a car salesman. Charms you, then once you buy in, well you're just another chump who believed him. He's not that bad but he's not that great either. Hmm...I hope he never reads this, I don't want to get beat. But the other guys and girls in the classroom are so sweet, patient, friendly and awesome. Some of them have so much strength, yet make excellent teachers! Like Gil! He's truly passionate about Capoeira, but has the patience to spar with me and not make me look so dumb. (I do that well enough on my own.) I like to call him Goku, from the DragonBallZ Series. He actually looks like Goku, too in a way.

My friend Ethni is in the class and she is in her aggressive element. It's hard to get her out of the circle, whereas I'm eager to do so. I'm not aggressive. I react and respond, I do not provoke. That's been my tendency for my entire life, so now I have to go against my very nature of being invisible to visible and confrontational. I'm a Cancerian! We attack sideways not forwards!

I'm not very confident as you can probably tell. But I will practice and keep going. I'm not about to quit something that breaks up my week and gives me something to look forward to, something that makes me change.

On another note - I'm discouraged with online dating. It's not working out for me. Perhaps the formula that all sites forget to mention is, the # of sizes you are more than a size 0 in dress size, is the number of months it will take for some guy to notice you. And I have to say, I don't have that kind of time. :-(

I can pretend to be strong and confident, but I'm not. I feel like I'm being peeled away and new layers of myself are being exposed, and I don't like it. But it's new and it's daring and it's not me. I'm stepping out my comfort zone and facing different things. I will succeed.

God, help me too succeed. (I can't do it alone.)