Lowered Expectations?

Doubt it.

Look - I'm not Ms. Perfect and I don't expect the guy I'm going to date to be Mr. Perfect, but neither am I willing to settle for someone I know I won't intellectually relate to.

I'm a smart girl, and that I'm saying without trying to be a snob. Oh I'm one of those too - yes, a snob.

I've got a friend telling me to lower my standards and just date the guy who responds. Well, that would work out except i've seen the aftermath of girls who "settle" and I'm better than that. I have a standard and yes a lot of guys fail the test. I don't feel "desperate" enough to reduce those standards even if I do feel lonely at times.

Lonely I can handle when I'm alone. Loneliness brought on by being with someone who doesn't meet my standards, someone I can't have a conversation with, that's even worse.

So, go on "friend", tell me to lower my expectations, you go on and enjoy that girl you'd never have looked at before until you wanted sex more than a relationship, I'm going to hold out, because it seems to me "friend" that you want me to change who I am to face the world. Maybe that's what you do.

But me? I change the world to face me. And it's worked.

I'm not giving up.

Peace out!

Happy Birthday to me.....

So it's official. I'm 28.
Wow.
It's morbid, but I seriously thought I'd die at 25 from a stress induced heart attack. I beat death! For now.
But the point of this blog isn't about dramatic monologues of how my life has not been what I thought it would be.
It hasn't, but not in a bad way at all.
I didn't have a big party - sure I created an event - but I knew that most people wouldn't show.
Here's the thing - it's nice to have a big party with all the bells and whistles, but at the end of the day,
the most important thing I appreciate is, having my friends, my closest friends with me.
Yeah, some of them weren't there - but I knew their thoughts were and that is just so sweet.
I'm grateful for the smaller things in life. Is that a sign of growing older?
Maybe.
I'm still single - but I'm not alone. And that makes life so much richer.
I am blessed.
That's all I need to remember. Happy Birthday to me.

Forgive and forget?

Spent all weekend trying to avoid making 1 phone call. Didn't know what to expect, planned for the worst, but maybe not what actually happened.
The phone call seemed trite, hollow and pointless. Nothing has been resolved.
I'll stop being vague.
As friends, we've been fighting a lot lately. I've been tired and not willing to put up with much and I think it's been the same for him.
Last week, a lot of circumstances came together in such a way that S. thought that I had tried to take some of his credit away from him. I had to rectify the situation and I did, but I was so hurt. How could he believe that I would do something like that? It hurt so much, it felt like something had broken.
So when I say, that I didn't know what to expect on this phone call, it just meant that I didn't know whether we'd hash it out, break all ties, or ...well I had only thought of the two. The third, which S. presented, to just move on? I wasn't a supporter of.
But A. had advised that I stop making my emotions so available to S., and additionally, is it worth it to go over all of this?
I haven't decided yet whether to stay where I am. I also haven't decided yet if it's worth the thought and prayer for a friendship I already know is going to end as soon as S. leaves San Antonio. Is that so harsh?
Season, Reason or life - that's how friendships can be. This one has been far too hurtful to last a lifetime.
This is still so sad tho.
I'll take it one day at a time. God give me the grace to act as you would have me act, and be as you would want me to be. I'm tired of doing this on my own strength and wisdom, I am worn out.
Oh, and I'll be 28 this coming weekend. Anybody got any idea what I should do?