Monday, July 5, 2010

Forgive and forget?

Spent all weekend trying to avoid making 1 phone call. Didn't know what to expect, planned for the worst, but maybe not what actually happened.
The phone call seemed trite, hollow and pointless. Nothing has been resolved.
I'll stop being vague.
As friends, we've been fighting a lot lately. I've been tired and not willing to put up with much and I think it's been the same for him.
Last week, a lot of circumstances came together in such a way that S. thought that I had tried to take some of his credit away from him. I had to rectify the situation and I did, but I was so hurt. How could he believe that I would do something like that? It hurt so much, it felt like something had broken.
So when I say, that I didn't know what to expect on this phone call, it just meant that I didn't know whether we'd hash it out, break all ties, or ...well I had only thought of the two. The third, which S. presented, to just move on? I wasn't a supporter of.
But A. had advised that I stop making my emotions so available to S., and additionally, is it worth it to go over all of this?
I haven't decided yet whether to stay where I am. I also haven't decided yet if it's worth the thought and prayer for a friendship I already know is going to end as soon as S. leaves San Antonio. Is that so harsh?
Season, Reason or life - that's how friendships can be. This one has been far too hurtful to last a lifetime.
This is still so sad tho.
I'll take it one day at a time. God give me the grace to act as you would have me act, and be as you would want me to be. I'm tired of doing this on my own strength and wisdom, I am worn out.
Oh, and I'll be 28 this coming weekend. Anybody got any idea what I should do?

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