The Big Easy...

So I'm here in New Orleans. Finally, at long last.

The first few days I was there by myself. It was strange. I liked the freedom, but I felt lonely. I reverted to my anti-social tendencies and would hide out in my room to going out and meeting people. It's hard for me to do that.
I did notice that New Orleans has a pulsing life that doesn't ever really stop. Especially in the French Quarter.
You feel and are felt by the city. It breathes and lives and moves and grows and you are just allowed to step through. This sentient being has been alive much longer than I am and it's both fearsome and nurturing, just like nature.

It smells, the people are dramatic and beautiful, and I felt like a pale shadow passing through all of the color.

When I finally got to walk Bourbon Street, I had to avert my eyes several times. Yes, I am still an old-fashioned girl.
It was great - a street full of vice and entertainment. And while I did want to go in and enjoy some revelers singing karaoke, I found myself tired.

The food is amazing and stretches the limits of my taste buds. I highly recommend Couchon Butcher, Coop's and The Chartres House Cafe. As for drinks - I have yet to try the Hurricane, but I did try the hand grenade and it was very delicious.

I'm waiting to get ready for the wedding and it's a tough business. I want to stay and enjoy the city some more, but I have to go. I did come for that did I not?

This isn't flowing very well is it? It's okay.

I love being alive and being out here on my own. I don't know if I could make it going out and meeting people, but I sure could try.

I think I would succeed. I can be charming.

Oh, lately I've been feeling so unattractive. It has nothing to do with being rejected by my friend last week. Or maybe it does. No, it's me. I'm weaning off some of my medication so I have to learn to stabilize myself.
So far it's been good. I think I've been able to reign in a lot of my uncontrollable negative emotions, although it may be manifesting itself as aggression. Not that I'm an aggressive person,but I can tell that my aggressive thoughts are increasing.

There is a hole in my heart right now. I really miss my dog. She just always loved me and I could feel her love, and now she's gone missing and I think she's dead. I miss her companionship and her love and her adorable sweet eyes. The other dogs miss her too. I can tell, they're sad. And when they see me they are always happy to see me too. They almost seem like Dharma. Wagging tails, trusting eyes. But they won't ever let me touch them.

I have Paige too but her eyes aren't sweet and loving. Here I am tearing up - I'm in one of the best cities in the world and I'm mourning my dog.

I'm a simple girl you know? I used to be such a sweet person too, but then..I learned that the world doesn't tolerate sweet people. So now, I have to be complex to guard myself.

This is far more than being an entry about a city. It's about me, but then aren't all blogs about me anyways?

I digress....

This video expresses how I feel right now - Jar of Hearts