It's been a week....

..since I last saw Dharma.
If you don't know who she was, you were unlucky. She was the cutest little dog. Had the sweetest eyes, and a star on her chest, a fan tail.

I'm talking in the past tense because she's never been gone this long, and she wasn't terribly strong enough to win a fight. I think she's dead. I typed it out.
I'm very sad - more than sad, I'm in mourning.
Everytime I drive home from work, I look out for her running from her meanderings in the neighborhood, and as I drive in it hits me that she's not running anywhere anymore.
Then I get out and I don't see her happy little face looking up at me wanting to be petted.
And it's all I can do to keep from crying. She was an amazing dog.

Here's a few stories about her. The first night I brought her home, I was so worried, I got up several times during the night to check on her. Finally, I just brought her into my bedroom.
As I lay down to sleep at rest, I heard a chewing sound. I hadn't bought her any chew toys yet. When I turned on the light she had chewed through the strap of one of my brand new espadrilles. That was the first but not the last pair of shoes I lost to her chewing. She cost me so much money, but never did I think of getting rid of her.

Another one...One day, my roommate came home with some fast food for dinner. We didn't have a dining room table - so we used an old box on the floor (ghetto - I know). Dharma had just moved in, so she goes over to one of our windows and begins to bark. Serina gets up to investigate, and while Serina is at the window looking for what Dharma was barking at, Dharma had snuck back to eat Serina's food. When Serina returned, she had nothing left.

I loved that dog. I miss her.

Lost in Translation...

So I can’t understand why I’ve been feeling so emotional lately. If you don’t know me, you’ll know I learned to keep my emotions in check after the boy I first loved kept accusing me of being emotional. It wasn’t a great therapy, just denying my feelings, but it worked. Until the emotions I felt filled me up to the brim and spilled over.

Now, I’ve been on meds for a while trying to deal with the non-emotionalist shell I built around myself. And it’s cracking again, but not because of anything I have done to break the shell but because I’m filled up with emotions again.

It’s been stressful lately. What with the dating, the Capoeira, the stressful job and so many transitions. How does anyone deal with this? And I want to get married? Am I nuts?

I’m figuring it out. Maybe I just need more sleep.

Anyhoo, Capoeira is great! My instructor took to heart what I sent in the e-mail and has bounced back and then some. He’s being nice and consistent again, but now that my eyes have been opened, they won’t be closed again.

Things aren’t all bad. I had a date last Friday and it was so much fun. He’s a sweet, fun person, and such a gentleman. I valued that very much and I felt great at the end of the night. But I’m not used to dating so I may not have been so very comfortable, but I guess I’ll get better.

I think this weekend I’ll take for me and just go out and spend it at the beach. I want to go.

We’ll see…Peace!