First of all, as I was driving home from buying the pie's for the work Thanksgiving meal, I found that my mom would be telling me stories. I mean these weren't just stories, they were rambling epics that detailed things from the past and the present, and I would get so lost. Then I smiled, because she did this a lot and most of the time I didn't listen (because most of the time when she talked I was trying to watch TV.)
The I remembered the way my friend S. would act when I was chattering at him, and my smile grew wider. Of course, I had inherited my chatterbox tendencies from my mother.
Then there's the whole broken heart. I finished reading a book that broke my heart because while the story was of life, it wasn't a life free from heartache or pain. I cried for the characters and their losses. I rarely get so emotionally involved (preferring to remain emotionally uninvolved in my reading as in my life.)
But I cried, big tear drops that soaked my sleep shirt. A broken heart that overflowed and threatened to overwhelm me in emotion.
All because of a book. Wow.
So then I started to wonder about my life, where I was going and what I was doing.
I can't say I'm happy with who I am at the moment.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my life, but then the parts when I'm by myself and I observe who I am, recall my reactions and I realize, I could be better.
I'm getting braces soon but that won't fix my personality or character.
I also want to be healthier, but I find myself suffering from so much anxiety at the prospect of going back to Capoeira. Part of it is the people. I find I can barely relate to them sometimes, and when I can't relate I can't tolerate.
It's my personality again - it's all my naturally nervous tendencies. I have started weaning off my anti-dep/anti-anxiety medication. I don't want to get back on those, so I think I'm going to start researching meditation techniques. Oh and following these rules (borrowed from Helen Fielding and Olivia Joules)
Very Useful Rules for Living Stolen from Olivia Joules
1. Never panic. Stop, breathe, think.
2. No one is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you.
3. Never change haircut or color before an importan event.
4. Nothing is either as bad or as good as it seems.
5. Do as you would be done by, e.g. thou shalt not kill.
6. It is better to buy one expensive thing that you really like than several cheap ones that you only quite like.
7. Hardly anything matters: If you get upset, ask yourself, "Does it really matter?"
8. The key to success lies in how you pick yourself up from failure.
9. Be honest and kind.
10. Only buy clothes that make you feel like doing a small dance.
11. Trust your instincts, not your overactive imagination.
12. When overwhelmed by disaster, check if it's really a disaster by doing the following:
2. No one is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you.
3. Never change haircut or color before an importan event.
4. Nothing is either as bad or as good as it seems.
5. Do as you would be done by, e.g. thou shalt not kill.
6. It is better to buy one expensive thing that you really like than several cheap ones that you only quite like.
7. Hardly anything matters: If you get upset, ask yourself, "Does it really matter?"
8. The key to success lies in how you pick yourself up from failure.
9. Be honest and kind.
10. Only buy clothes that make you feel like doing a small dance.
11. Trust your instincts, not your overactive imagination.
12. When overwhelmed by disaster, check if it's really a disaster by doing the following:
(a) think, "oh, F*&% it,"
(b) look on the bright side and, if that doesn't work, look on the funny side.
If neither of the above works then maybe it is a disaster so turn to items 1 and 4.
13. Don't expect the world to be safe or life to be fair.
14. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.
15. Don't regret anything. Remember that wasn't anything else that could have happened, given who you were and the state of the world at the moment. The only thing you can change is the present, so learn from the past.
16. If you start regretting something and thinking, "I should have done..." always add, "but then I might have been run over by a lorry or blown up by a Japanese-manned torpedo."
If neither of the above works then maybe it is a disaster so turn to items 1 and 4.
13. Don't expect the world to be safe or life to be fair.
14. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.
15. Don't regret anything. Remember that wasn't anything else that could have happened, given who you were and the state of the world at the moment. The only thing you can change is the present, so learn from the past.
16. If you start regretting something and thinking, "I should have done..." always add, "but then I might have been run over by a lorry or blown up by a Japanese-manned torpedo."
